As we approach 2010, blogs and media agencies everywhere are compiling their lists of the past year and decade – the best music, movies, political events, scandals, the list goes on. Rather than give you a somber top 10 for Pakistan, I wanted to list some of the funniest and most memorable quotes of the year:
- From RehmanMalik.com, “A welcome massage by Mr. A. Rehman Malik – Minister for Interior.” (Just in case you don’t feel relaxed when you’re in Pakistan.)
- Columnist Nadeem Paracha defines Imran Khan as, “A man who still thinks the Taliban is a brand name for a series of chubby, cuddly teddy bears.” (Funny because it’s true.)
- Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to PM Yousaf Raza Gilani, “Excellency you are not a simple politician but a political magician and I am deeply impressed by your way of governance.” (Hey, Jadoogar. Harry Potter called. He wants his wand back.)
- Lollywood’s sweetheart Meera, exclaiming, “Oh no jaani no, I work for people day and night, for poor people.” (Poor Meera, she can be such a layer.)
- A GEO Television reporter, after meeting Tehreek-e-Taliban head Hakimullah Mehsud, said, “Hakimullah is a lively man. He told us he could give us two gifts. One was the Humvee military vehicle that his fighters had captured during a recent raid in Khyber Agency on an Afghanistan-bound supply convoy for Nato forces. The other was a jeep that his men had snatched from UN employees in Khyber Agency.” (I mean. What a gentleman.)
- The Pakistan Cricket Board’s TMI press release: “The medical board has reported that Shoaib Akhtar was suffering from genital viral warts, and electrofulguration was done on May 12, 2009.” (Shoaib Akhtar was itching to get back on the field after that procedure.)
- AQ Khan wants us to know more about his special interest in the Makrani people: “Makrani children are extremely cute…They looked very much like African pikaninis with dark curly hair and shiny eyes.” (He also wants us to pray for divine intervention, visit Timbuktu, and continue reading his “Random Thoughts” column.)
- In response to whether Rehman Malik will be arrested after the National Reconciliation Ordinance was declared null and void, PM Gilani told reporters, “Interior Minister arrests people. So who can arrest him?” (Details, shmetails.)
- President Obama, in an interview to Dawn this summer, “Oh, keema … daal … You name it, I can cook it. And so I have a great affinity for Pakistani culture and the great Urdu poets.” Dawn: “You read Urdu poetry?” Obama: “Absolutely.” (I also can play concertos blind-folded while plucking a banjo with my toes.)
- Pakistani cricketer Shahid Afridi: “I would like them to remember me as the craziest cricketer that ever played for Pakistan.” (Boom Boom, Afridi.)
The above quotes were my personal favorites, but there were plenty more. Write in with your own memorable Pakistan-related quotes of the year in the comments section!
“If you want to play only fun cricket, play Twenty20. You cannot have one guy taking all the fun from all formats. You can’t get married and have six girlfriends as well, because you will get stuck somewhere.” – Younis Khan, who should have been an adviser to Tiger Woods
“What I need is trade, not aid. I’m looking for MOUs and not IOUs and I intend to get them.” Zardari’s rap
I saw this quote by Younus Khan was also tempted to use it: “In this form it is better to take it easy and have fun. It is like WWF.”
Now I can’t get the image of cricket players in wrestler speedos out of my head. Curses.
For me, the magician dialogue was the quote of the year. To this day, I wonder if the US secretary of state of was high on something
I know this isn’t technically a quote, but honourable mention must be made of this reporter :
Aww shoot, the video was uploaded in the last week of last year. That still counts, right ? It only became famous this year.
That video makes me laugh! I’ll allow it.
Nice – Good round up!
Younis Khan is a legend when it comes to the press. Remember that presser he gave after the defeat to England. Asked him a question about fielding, and his reply was “We are like that only, what can we do about it now ?”
Good compilation. Although you missed Rehman Malik’s legendary “We have concrete evidence about….” which he repeats like a parakeet after every terrorist attack in the country. Otherwise, super stuff.
I know! I tried to find more Malik-isms but out of context it didn’t sound as funny. The public massage one will have to do.
“…do jagaein hain Asif Zardari ke liye; yah to phir Presidency yah Prime Minister House hai, yah phir jail hai. Aur mujhay dono qabool hain.” ~ proclaimed by Zardari during his idiotic rantings on BB’s second death anniversary in Naudero (Dec 27, 2009)
Loosely translated:
“…there are two places for Asif Zardari; either the Presidency or Prime Minister House, or otherwise jail. And I accept them both.”
Be careful what you wish for Zardari. Since you’re already in the Presidency, I guess you want to go back to jail. And that day may not be as far away as you think!
[...] From Rehman Malik’s site, found via CHUP. [...]
Someone from PPP said on television a few days ago..
MQM corruption karay tou sahi hia, aap humko kyon bolte hain sirf.. Hamara bhi tou haq banta hai hum corruption karain… :p
And then we got endless explanations from PPP saying k this guy is very masoom and he didn’t mean it like that etc etc..
BEST POST OF THE YEAR! you should make this a monthly feature!!!
happy new year from a chuppie
1st funny quote of the year 2010…. Famous Col-anchor Mubasshir Lucman(Luqman???) today in his column in Daily Express translated a book title “Confessions of an economic hitman” in urdu Muashee tabahee ka shikar eik shakhs K Etirafaat…… Confessions of an economically victimized man>>>>
“Loadshedding will end by December 2009″
- Raja Pervaiz Ashraf
Who the heck was he kidding?!
i love pakistan is the best!!!!
Not a quote by itself, but this is funny too…
http://www.indianexpress.com/news/pak-channel-draws-flak-for-racist-promo-on/541809/
The BOLD ones by DAWN were good ones;
What do you think were the most memorable words uttered in Pakistan in the past 12 months?
January: “Why would she leave it to me if she didn’t think I was fit enough?” President Asif Ali Zardari in an interview with journalist Christina Lamb on Benazir Bhutto bequeathing control of the PPP to him in a controversial 17-page will.
February: “It’s not a judicial decision, it’s an edict….It amounts to stabbing me in the back.” PML-N chief Nawaz Sharif alleging that the Supreme Court’s decision to make him and his brother Shahbaz Sharif, Chief Minister of Punjab, ineligible to contest elections or hold public offices was ordered directly by President Zardari.
March: “I restore the deposed chief justice and others according to the promise made by me and the president.” Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gilani announces the reinstatement of Chief Justice Iftikhar Chaudhary who was deposed by former President General Pervez Musharraf.
April: “We direct that till final disposal of the main petitions under review, the operation of February 25, 2009 shall remain suspended and the petitioner (Shahbaz Sharif) shall assume the chief minister’s office with immediate effect.” The Supreme Court restores Shahbaz Sharif as Chief Minister of Punjab.
May: “The medical board has reported that Shoaib Akhtar was suffering from genital viral warts and the wound needs further care and treatment for a minimum 10 days for the purpose of healing and to achieve skin cover.” The PCB on why cricketer Shoaib Akhtar was dropped from the Twenty20 team.
June: “I’m not in favour of American broadcasting, I am in favour of strong broadcasting by independent stations like [Radio Buraq]…. There’s not going to be an American radio station in western Pakistan.” US Special envoy Richard Holbrooke on how the US intends to win the information war against the ‘FM mullahs’ in the Frontier province.
July: “So long as Article 6 (high treason) is part of the Constitution, parliament is debarred from even condoning unconstitutional acts of (a) usurper, what to talk of validating, affirming and adopting the same.” The Supreme Court declaring General Musharraf’s November 2007 emergency rule and any future endorsements of military takeovers illegal and unconstitutional.
August: “This is one hundred per cent. We have no doubt about his death…..he is dead and buried.” Pakistani official announcing the death of the chief of the Tehrik-e-Taliban Pakistan, Baitullah Mehsud, who was killed by a US Predator drone attack.
September: “ Mujhay yeh pata hai, mainay kamaskum Heera Mandi se nahi shura kiya tha. Itna mujhay pata hai…. Mera career as a prostitute start nahi howa tha. Mujhay is baat ka fakhr hai .” [I know that, at least, I didn’t start from Heera Mandi. I know this much: my career didn’t begin as a prostitute. I am proud of this fact.] Dr Firdous Ashiq Awan in a heated on-air argument on a televised talk show with PML-Q member Kashmala Tariq who previously had called the PPP minister a ‘lota’ in reference to her defection from the PML-Q to the PPP.
October: “No security-related assistance may be provided to Pakistan in a fiscal year until the Secretary of State, under the direction of the President, makes the certification (that) … the Government of Pakistan has made progress on matters such as ceasing support, including by any elements within the Pakistan military or its intelligence agency, to extremist and terrorist groups, particularly to any group that has conducted attacks against United States or coalition forces in Afghanistan, or against the territory or people of neighboring countries.” Conditions stipulated in the Enhanced Partnership with Pakistan Act of 2009 (the Kerry Lugar bill) on limitations of military aid to Pakistan. “Pakistan is a sovereign state and has all the rights to analyse and respond to the (terrorist) threat in accordance with her own national interests…. The forum expressed serious concern regarding clauses impacting on National Security.” Statement issued by the public relations wing of the Pakistani military on the Kerry Lugar bill in a meeting held by Chief of Army Staff, General Ashfaq Perwez Kiyani.
November: “We will be the back after right… we will be the back after right short break… ye toilet kitna duur hai… can we rehase… reharse… rehearsal.” Secret footage showing Pakistani actress Meera attempting to speak English in an interview she’s conducting with fashion photographer Tapu Javeri.
December: “We would again become Pakistan’s brother if Pakistan ends its support for America.” Pakistan Taliban commander Walilur Rahman
“ Corruption peh hamara haq nai hai? Auron ka hai. Yeh to culture ban chuka hai. Agar jo nai karta wo nuksaan karha apna. Hazaar meh se ek admi corruption nai karta, wo to apna nuksaan karta hai .” [Don’t we have a right to corruption? Others do. This has become a culture. Whoever doesn’t do it, they’ll find they’re ruining themselves. In a thousand, if one man doesn’t do corruption, he’s ruining himself.] PPP minister Sardar Abdul Qayum Jatoi in a current affairs show interview. .
a ha ha i quite like afridi’s quote! as for AQ Khan, erm, maybe we should send you to Alabama to join the KKK. disgraceful.
Sometimes you can make fun of another person by coming up with a lie which doesn’t have anything to do with reality.
NFP(In fact National Fun Corporation) passed a judgement about Imran Khan which shows his little sense of humour and knowledege about the great Khan.
Imran Khan in his interview with farid Zakria at CNN last year in June says “Talibans are religious bigots and ignorant”
This quotation should have rather mentioned in the blog but what should I expect from those who are trying to make Pakistan “Americanistan”.
How can you have missed the classic Zardari line about resisting the influence of “extremists from Aung San Suu Kyi to the Taliban”?
Mister AQ Khan. Makrani children are still cute with his curly hair but you showed that how illiterate you are and you are being racist to a little kid which is a shameless job. You are calling them African pikaninis. If what GOD born you in an African family then what you will say about that. May be you do not think Makrani or Africans are human but they are and they are more cute then you. Lastly you showed what you are and kind of family you belongs to. You need plenty of education may be because of that you get little sense. Stop being a stupid just see all human being as same as you see yourself. All human are same and ALLAH made them all.
ager tudi si sharam baki hay to ALLAH se tuba karo or sab insanoo ko apne jesa insan samjho.
wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww i love it