I am currently in the midst of conceptualizing and writing far deeper posts, but this story was just too ironic to ignore. According to news agencies Tuesday, a bear killed two militants after “discovering them in its den” in Kulgam district, just south of Srinigar in Indian-administered Kashmir. According to the Telegraph, the men, known by the names of Saifullah and Qaiser, along with two others who escaped, were “members of the region’s most powerful group Hizb-ul Mujahedin,” an Islamist separatist group that emerged in Pakistan in 1989 and has since been active in Jammu & Kashmir.
BBC News reported, “The militants had assault rifles but were taken by surprise – police found the remains of pudding they had made to eat when the bear attacked.”
Moral of the story, militants: Stay away from the pudding. Unwanted carbs and it attracts bears. Nothing says “unworthy of virgins in Heaven” quite like “death by bear looking for afternoon snack.”
At least we know if all else fails in South Waziristan, the Pakistani military can air drop boxes of pudding and unleash the bears. Genius tactic.